Underrated Hottie of The Week

12 03 2013

Before I begin, I know all of you out there are thinking; “Thank God” “Praise Allah” or cheersing another cup of that Kool-Aid to whatever name your cult leader goes by that GBz has given up on the religious themed rants for now. I get it, I hear ya- lets get back to something we can all agree on; sex, drugs, and rockin boobies. We got us another hottie here but damn, if I do say so myself, there ain’t nothing underrated about this one- fair warning.

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This mean knuckler would be Gina Carano, daughter of the former jock strap holder for Roger Staubach- NFL wanna-be quarterback Glenn Carano, and let me warn you boys, just in case you ain’t yet heard the name; she would happily tie her right arm and left foot behind her back and still beat your ass like she was paid to do it. Not saying I didn’t get a little hard just typing that, but actually she has been paid to do it, multiple times. She carries with her an impressive 12-1-1 professional MMA record and, as I eagerly wait to show you, still has the face to prove it takes more than a little luck to lay a glove on this pretty Texas flower.

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I dont know bout yall but I’d certainly flip the bill for a few days hospital stay for the chance to be put in a leg lock by this:

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Excuse me while I go “meditate” on those images awhile.

…..
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….Well, that sure didn’t take long.

Back to the hottie herself. Certainly with a million dollar smile like hers and an attitude to boot, Hollywood was going to come a-knockin at some point, and knock it did, hard. Landing the leading role in a Steven Soderbergh picture (Haywire, 2011) is no small feat for anyone in the business of show, much less someone who previously got kicked in the teeth for a living. But she sure did it and hasn’t looked back since.

Gents, just go check out the trailer for Fast and Furious 6, you’ll see Paul Walker is no longer the prettiest one in that cast.

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Again, I’ll go ahead and assume that before this you fiends had already creeped all over my girl Gina, but even so, is anyone disappointed in taking a second look? I’ve certainly taken a third or forth, but maybe thats just me.

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Without question we got the most badass actress the silver screen has ever been graced with here and a stop traffic kind of a hottie.

Now I think I need another round of maste*- excuse me; “meditation”

Goodnight

-GBz





Underrated Hottie of the Week

7 03 2013

“Milks done that body good.” -Fat kid from Rookie of the Year

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Margaret McPoyle, a hottie? Is this common knowledge? I feel like I might be late to the table on this one given how long the show has been on the air, but I gotta say, when I saw these real life pics of that lip-licking, uni-browed, incestuous sweaty little mute we all know and love from ‘Always Sunny’ they slapped me in the face like a bag of dicks.

But judge for yourself:

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I doubt it, but if there is anyone out there not familiar with the McPoyle clan, I’ll throw in a quick run down. They are a very close knit group, too close, in fact, for anyone north of the Mason-Dixon Line. This gang of inbred savages has been “keepin ‘er in the fam” for a few too many generations and the effects are starting to show through. Take the main three members for example; Liam, Ryan, and their deaf-mute sister Margaret- three siblings who usually appear together, sweaty and half naked, drink only lukewarm milk and openly engage in acts of coitus with one another.

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How that is transformed back into this:

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Is nothing short of a Hollywood miracle.

Margaret’s real name is Thesy Surface, and while there is still a tiny little part of me that is tempted to throw out the term butterface, once you strip her out of that soaking double XL tee, wax that brow and wipe her brothers jizz off her face, that bod alone is certainly enough to qualify her as an underrated hottie in my book.

Thats it.

-GBz





Underrated Hottie of the Week

5 02 2013

Katie Cassidy

Katie Cassidy

Maybe you guys can help me out with this one. Does anyone know who this chick is? Because I sure as hell didn’t until about two seconds ago. And I’ll tell you what, I feel like I’ve been living in darkness until I saw her picture for the first time. Allegory of the cave type of shit. Turns out my realities were just a bunch of shadows. My shits all upside down. All the chicks I thought were certified babes, aren’t that great any more. Not to mention, my tuggin material is all pretty much obsolete too.

Well if you’re like me, and have no clue who Katie Cassidy is, get ready for some knowledge. If you do know who she is, shut yer yapper and soak in hot chick greatness.

Katie is the daughter of teen idol David Cassidy. Didn’t really care too much about Davey Cassidy up to this point, but the news that he might’ve made the hottest daughter ever really spikes his stock in my book. She’s 26 and her and I, get this, HAVE THE SAME MOTHERFLIPPIN BIRTHDAY. So yeah, we’re basically soul mates. Alright, I’ll relax. Anyways she’s an actress, you might know her as Laurel Lance on the CW’s Arrow (probably not though if you’re straight and what not). She’s also been in CBS’s Harper Island, and a bunch of other shows on the CW. That explains why I don’t know her. Haven’t watched the CW since it was The WB and Smart Guy was my shiznit. Actually thought you had to be a 14 year old girl to watch the CW. I guess Katie has also been in a few movies, none of which I’ve seen – When A Stranger Calls, Nightmare on Elm Street, Monte Carlo, and a few more nobody cares about.

Decent career for a 26 year old. By that I mean not so decent. She must be an awful actress because sweet lord she is like the hottest woman I’ve ever seen. Assuming she started out in Hollywood at 18, how has she been so hot, but stayed so unknown in eight goddamn years? Especially considering her pops is David Cassidy? Dude was on the Partridge Family. That was before my time, but it seems like he has some pull to get his smoking hot daughter whatever TV and movie roles she wants. Guess not.

Well you’re out of your mind if you think I’m not tuning into the CW from this day forward. If Katie C is on there, then I’m on there too.

Here’s a couple more photos for you to enjoy.

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– JD





We Miss Hilary Duff

10 01 2013

Hilary-Duff

Real bad, guys. Real bad.

Here’s why. Hilary Duff was like my teen idol. Now days kids have Bieber and Selena and all those flamers in One Direction. That’s about it as far as I can tell. Well let’s rewind to the early 2000s. Teen idols were everywhere. You couldn’t turn around without being introduced to a new 16-24 year old singing or acting sensation that you also probably wanted to bang. Britney. Christina. Mandy Moore. Jessica Simpson. Frankie Muniz. Wait, what? The point is teen idols were easy to come by. Especially for a 14 year old kid who’s permanently semi-chubbed and frequently subjected to watching the Disney channel with his younger sister. And like most young lads, I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out in the crowd. So first I went to Abercromie & Fitch because they help you express yourself and your individuality, guys. Then I latched on to a hot teen sensation. That teen sensation was none other than Hilary Duff. While my friends were jerkin it to Mandy Moore posters, tuggin one out to a google image search of ‘boobs’, all I needed was a VHS copy of The Lizzie McGuire Movie.

And make no mistake, I’m not writing this post to rehash my obsessive-compulsive relationship with a Hilary Duff poster I bought at Walgreens. Although incredibly interesting, I’ll leave that out of it. I’m simply taking a trip down memory lane to give you a glimpse of how important Hilary was to my adolescence, and also to remember some sweet shit she did. Then, ultimately, to make the point that she needs to hop back on the scene pronto. Chicks like 25 AND she’s not cruising around smoking crack with Amanda Bynes. Sounds like a recipe for getting back in the spotlight to me.

First of all, she killed it as Lizzie McGuire. I’ll admit I watched a few episodes. C’mon. For a lame disney show it was dy-no-mite. In between SI Swimsuit editions and Friends re-runs where Jennifer Aniston was nipping out (which was like every single episode) I didn’t have many other options.

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When I say babe I mean babe in the eyes of a 12 year old. C’mon, easy fellas.

Following the Lizzie Mac show, she began dominating the big screen in such classics as Agent Cody Banks, Cheaper By The Dozen and A Cinderella Story. I don’t want to sound cocky, but I knew she was going to be a big movie star. Knew it. When people talk about that “it” factor, they think Hilary D.

Soon, however, she grew tired of acting. I mean, who can blame her? It’s like once you climb mount everest you’re pretty much done-zo with the mountain climbing. Same can be said after a three year span during which she was nominated for like 17 Teen Choice Awards. Been there done that. So she decided to flex her golden pipes. And flex, she did.

Remember any of these classics?

Yeah, me too. BANGERS.

Well this takes us up to 2006-2007. After years of being Disney’s sweetheart and a few lame relationships with Aaron Carter and that douche from Good Charlotte, I’d assume Hil needed a break from the spotlight. So she kind of faded from our minds. But certainly NOT from our hearts. Then in 2007, she started dating an NHL player named Mike Comrie. Eventually they tied the knot and last year they had their first child. Let me take a break from describing Hilary Duff’s personal life to you to ask what’s with all these NHL dudes snagging up all the hotties? First that NHL dude married Candice Cameron from Full House, who by the way is a total babe these days. Then Hilary Duff got snagged up by Mike Comrie. Who, let’s be honest, looks like a young-douchey version of Dan Aykroyd. And just recently I saw that LA Kings star Jarret Stoll is currently running through some of the hottest chicks of our day. Even though very few people care about the sport, it’s clearly good to be a hockey player. Damn.

Anyways, just the other day Hil Duff instagrammed some super sexy photos of her new crazy workouts to shed the baby weight, since she popped out her Duff jr. just last year. Check em out here. I’ll be honest it looks like she’s exercising in some painting scaffolds but whatever. She’s clearly still as flexible as I imagined she’d be all those years ago. This is good news because as I mentioned earlier, most of the early 2000s teen sensations aaaaren’t doing so hot these days. Jessica Simpson is a blimp, Christina Aguilera is nasty as hell, Lindsay Lohan should be in everyone’s death pool and Britney went off the deep end years ago. Honestly, I kind of expected it. Especially the part where Hilary Duff emerged relatively unscathed. I mean, duh-ff, right? She was clearly the best one of them all.

Well in hopes that Hil dog is reading this very post, from everyone here at the Mime, please come back in the spotlight, Ms. Duff. Please. We miss you, girl. Like an AIDS patient misses their white blood cell count. So, yeah. A LOT. Maybe kick things off with Lizzie McGuire 2: Back In Tha Game? We’ll write the script!

 

– JD





Underrated Hottie of the Week

8 01 2013

Hannah Davis aka the DirecTV Genie chick

Hannah Davis

If you’ve watched ESPN in the last month chances are you’ve seen this minx. If you’re a heterosexual male, you probably blasted a magnum chub the second you and her locked eyes. Not your fault, it’s completely natural. Don’t blame your wang, that’s sciences fault. And since I feel like it’s my duty to bring mime compadres info on unknown boner-enducing babes, I went deep into the vaults of the internet, did some digging and figured out who she is.

Her name is Hannah Davis and she’s a model from the virgin islands. Although if I know Hannah like I think I do, there’s nothin virgin about her island, am I right!? Ok. I’ll stop. Anywho, she was discovered when she was fourteen and has been modeling ever since. Well done for the dude who scoped her out on a St. Thomas beach at 14. Not creepy at all there, buddy. Nowadays she does work for Ralph Lauren, Victoria’s Secret and most recently, this DirecTV commercial. Apparently, she’s been porking Derek Jeter too. Wikipedia lists her interests as “clothing and jewelry design and production”. No shit, wiki. Last I checked those are like the only two things models are ever interested in.

But let’s not get hung up in pointless info learned on Wikipedia. The main theme of this post is that Hannah is a total sizzler, and she’s underrated as shit. She’s only 22, so part of that can be attributed to young age, but I’d say another part of it is due to her incredibly scary/yet sexy eyes. I get the feeling guys have a real tough time starring into those bad boys. I did and I wizzed my pants. Never thought I’d be raving about a 3 second clip of a chick with a flat screen TV on her lap. We can’t even see any of the good stuff and I’m still harder than that ESPN sports science dude is for science.

I’d assume we’ll be seeing a lot more of Hannah Davis in the near future. So congrats on the underrated nod, Ms. Davis. Now do us all a solid and ditch Derek Jeter, dude is a massive tool and way out of your age bracket.

Couple more pics for the road

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Thanks to Who is that hot ad girl? for the inside info.

– JD





Underrated Hottie of the Week

14 12 2012

Alice Eve

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Underrated hottie material has been a little slim this week so I’m going to take things back to 2010 when She’s Out of My League hit theaters and America was introduced to a little lady named Alice Eve. Underrated doesn’t even begin to describe how under appreciated this British minx is. I mean holy george washington carver. She’s legitimately on par with Scarlett Johansson in the boob hotness department yet I’d guess that half the guys in this country would hear her name and not know who she is/think she’s a random porn star. Alice Eve? Sounds like she starred in Scrotal Recall. When I first heard that was her name I’m thinking huh… pretty hot, must be her stage name. Nope. It’s her real name, fellas. So add like six million sexy points the second she was born.

If you haven’t heard of Alice, she’s been in a bunch of British TV shows nobody cares about, was briefly in the final season of Entourage, and started heating up the big screen in the late 2000s. If Blockbuster still exists, drive there now and rent Crossing Over. Pretty boring movie with Ray Liotta but it’s actually worth seeing because Alice has a little, no big deal, barely noticable… topless scene. Yup. Full on boob. Now, if you’re under the age of 18 and can’t legally look at full on boob yet, check her scene as a hot nanny in Sex In The City 2. Get’s the job done. Then shoot yourself because you just watched part of Sex In The City 2.

By now you’ve noticed that Alice has an amazing rack. Just unreal in every sense of the word. But, would she be blazing hot with average sized cans? Of fucking course she would. She’s got a killer face and has, no question a tight packag, not to mention she’s British. So if the tatas were gone, which would be a travesty, she’d probably still rank pretty high. Luckily for us, those tig ol bitties are very, very real and not going anywhere.

Hopefully Alice gets some more feature roles in movies in the near future because if there’s one thing that she’s made very clear it’s she has no problem showing off her assets.

Here’s a couple more for the road

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– JD





Underrated Hottie of the Week Part 2

12 11 2012

Mystery Samsung Mom

Even though Barstool dropped a post on how hot this chick is literally minutes ago, I don give a FwUCK. The mime had this bad boy in the underrated hottie hopper yesterday, unfortunately Paula Broadwell took precedence this morning. So don’t hit the send button on that h8 mail quite yet, the mime aint plagiarizing.

With that said, you can bet your bottom dollar I dropped a hefty nut the first time I saw this commercial. Completely out of left field. Oh great, another cutesie cell phone commercial…Daddy, I made you a video for your flight! Sitting there figuring it’s another heart warming commercial, the guy’s a family man yadda yadda, Lumineers song, boring. Think again, JD, think again and maybe pull your dong out because this commercial’s about to take a sharp left into steamy-ville. Spoiler alert, the dudes sexy wife tosses him an HD diddle sesh vid for his long and lonesome business trip. At first I’m thinking nah, I heard that wrong. My mind is always in the gutter, probably just zoned out and fantasized the entire thing. Watched it 24 more times again. Nope. It’s for real. This is actually a nationally televised commercial that includes an inferred reference to homemade porn. Bravo Samsung. I need to get my hands on a Galaxy S III immediately in the off chance this woman lives in Milwaukee and recently divorced Joaquin Phoenix.

But let’s talk more about how sexy this mystery woman is. Right in the wheelhouse for ideal dream woman. Exactly how coach drew it up.

Hair to the side, cardigan on like she either just got done finger painting with the kiddos or finger blasting with a dildo, which one is it? We don’t know and that’s half the fun. Clearly not very much into planning OR really into surprises, surprises of the nudie vid variety. Maybe both? Either way I’m not much of a planner either, so we’re already perfect for each other. I don’t know much about how the Galaxy S III works but it looks to me like she had both those videos in the same folder on her phone? No biggie, here’s our daughter doing some ballet, then here’s me dropping it down a cucumber for 20 minutes. Two kids yet she’s still keeping it tight and keeping it right. She’s hot but not super-duper insane hot, so average dudes like me instantly feel like there’s an off chance I have a shot with her. Not trying to write a post about everything I want in a woman, but at the same time I think I basically just did?

Hopefully some internet nerds find out who this actress is ASAP because there are literally no pictures or any info on her anywhere. Trust me, I looked.

Congrats to mystery Samsung mom on the underrated hottie nod, it’s well deserved.

– JD