Home Again Home Again Jiggety Jig

5 03 2013

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Yea I’m gona throw a little Mother Goose ass nursery rhyme at ya in my, I’m sure long-awaited by now, first post to the mime; but it is not without context. Recently I swallowed what was left of my pride (which was barely more than what was left in my bank account) and moved back in with my parents. Now, you over achievers out there who snatched up that college diploma, tossed that cap in the air and fell right into that financially supportive dream job, might not be familiar with what I’m talking about here, but feel free to take notes; you know, just in case that cubicle wall view starts to get a little stale after a while.

For those who [over] enjoyed the freedoms that come with the seemingly nation wide social acceptance of college age kids being complete messes day in and day out, there are a few things that change once put back under parental lock and key. A semi-intelligent person may try to argue the fact that college grads are now grown ass adults and can make their own choices, but Bubba, any parent worth their salt never gets sick of the age-old saying “my house, my rules.” So, for anyone in a similar sitch, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Even if she’s not a screamer, your rickety ass bed frame makes more noise then you think.

2. Regardless of the garnishes, Bloody Mary’s aren’t actually a breakfast food.

3. You are no longer a pre-pubescent teenager, so creamin in a sock and stuffing it into a hamper will lead to a conversation you don’t want to have with mom come laundry day.

3B. Mysterious bottles of yellow liquid tend to have a similar effect; there is no longer an acceptable explanation for the toilet being “too far away.”

4. Having a few while tweeting does not make you just a “social drinker.”

5. Spitters are no longer recyclable.

6. Thirsty Thursday is not an officially recognized holiday.

6B. Neither is Sunday Funday for that matter, sorry.

7. The walk of shame takes on a whole new feel when your mother offers her coffee on the way out.

8. Vomit must ALWAYS be cleaned up that night, not the morning after.

9. Sun rise is not a reasonable bed time.

10. And finally, you know that bong you haven’t boiled in two years? Well in a house not excessively frequented by pot heads that shit is going to stink worse than a hookers ass at Sunday morning mass, no matter where you hide it.

That’s all for now

-GBz

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