Dennis Rodman BFF’s with Kim Jung-Un?

3 03 2013


Sup y’all?

I know, I know, it’s been like seven years since I’ve dropped knowledge on the mime. As I said a few months ago, I’ve been busy lately. Get off my back. What’s that old saying again? Ain’t no blog like a off duty mime blog cuz an off duty mime blog don’t stop. Yup. That’s the one.

Alright, let’s get right back into it.

By now all our readers should know I consider myself a bit of renaissance man. It’s no mystery I like to frequently diversify my hobbies and interests portfolio. Earlier today I figured I’d brush up on our country’s foreign relations. Find out how we’re doing with the rest of the world. Make sure they know we still run shit.

Turns out today was about the perfect day to check in. Why you ask? Well I don’t want to alarm any of you, but between you and me, our international relations ain’t doin so hot. Especially in Asia. Aside from our well known love for all types of asian food, I think Asia thinks we hate them (not entirely untrue, AMIRIGHT?). I mean, gone are the days when G dub-ya rolled over to China, tossed out a couple laughs and forgets which door he came in, and everything was gravy. Kim Jong Il is dead, his chubby/even more psycho son took his place and we got nuke threats being thrown around like a rubber dildo at Andersen Cooper’s summer BBQ.

Lucky for us, we’ve still got Dennis Rodman.

At this point most of you are thinking, wait he’s still alive? Or if you knew he was still alive, you’re thinking, wait who is Dennis Rodman again? Let me tell you. Dennis is the greatest rebounder to ever play in the NBA/the craziest person to ever play in the NBA. He also happens to be BFF’s with Kim Jong-Un.

Yep. It’s true. Read all about it here.

No joke, The Worm is the first American to meet Kim Jong-Un. Apparently they watched basketball together, went ice skating, crushed drinks and dinner and even hit up an aquarium. Sounds like a good ass day to me. Matter of fact, it sounds like the best day ever. If my day includes any one of those four activities I’m overachieving. Imagine all four. With Dennis Rodman. I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t blast in my shorts with excitement.

Personally, I can’t think of a better diplomat to represent our country than The Worm. Sure, he’s a mentally unstable addict who’s relapsed more times than Adele has completed the 70 oz challenge at the Ponderosa steak house. But I see all that as a good thing. First of all, I didn’t realize Kim Jung Un was old enough to even know who Dennis Rodman is. Thought he was like 16 years old. Well, it turns out he’s like 30. So, if he ever had a chance to watch the NBA on NBC in between military rallies organized by his diminutive father he probably caught the Worm in action. This means on top of being a huge fan, he has to realize no matter what, you don’t fuck with Dennis Rodman. Never. EVER. Because he’ll literally eat you. He’ll toss you on his XL George Foreman and grill you up before you can ask for an autograph.

You’ve also got to assume the Rod Man has drugs on him at all times. Thus, you can bet your ass he whipped out a couple bumps of ketamine for the two to snort before they discussed this underground nuclear testing that’s been going on. I’d guess it loosened up those tiny chubby shoulders of Kim Jong Un, got him to start talking from the heart. Probably doesn’t even know what nukes are. Probably just wanted to talk about Hello Kitty and anime.

And that brings me to my last point, we all know Dennis Rodman doesn’t give two fucks about politics. Guy rocked a money suit to his interview on ABC. He’s more concerned with Polly’s tits than politics. See what I did there? We’re assuming Polly is his hooker from last night. Anyways. Kim has never met an American before. This was his first time, folks. He was probably nervous as shit. Can’t throw some stuffy policital dickhead at him, he’ll freak out and put his guard up. Better to toss a washed up booze hound basketball player in the mix. Someone he can connect with. Confide in. Maybe swap foot fetish stories with, I don’t know.

All in all, I think our relationship with North Korea is still way beyond fucked. But, thanks to Mr. Rodman taking Kim Jong Un on a fun filled day at Sea World, we’re one step closer to being best friends. And now we know all it takes is retired NBA players with drug problems to win him over. And you’re out of your damn mind if you don’t think I’m already hoping Charles Barkley is the next guy to go over there.

– JD




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