What’s Your Deal, Rick Reilly?

20 01 2013

rick-reilly_original

What the FUCK happened to Rick Reilly? Seriously? What the FUG, people? Exactly when did he turn into such a douche? Was he always a douche? I’m real confused.

Let me break down my thoughts on this whole thing for you guys by starting at the beginning. Rickardo Paul Reilly was born on February 3, 1958 in Boulder, Colorado. I’ll skip all the boring shit and say that in 1997 he became the back page columnist for Sports Illustrated magazine. I was 9 in 1997 and from what I can remember, I could read then. Since my pops had an SI subscription I sharpened my reading skills with those magazines. One of my favorite things to read was the back page column, ‘Life of Reilly’. Dude had a killer column, or at least I thought so. Having it on the back page was fun too because you could wait until the end to read the best article of the magazine. I did read Steve Rushin occasionally but for some reason I liked Ricky Reilly’s shit better. Then in 2007 he left SI. I wasn’t really too broken up about it because I was on my way to college. Not really a big reading phase of ones life. Unless its spark-notes or the warning section on a N02 cannister I was about to huff, I wasn’t reading shit.

As most of us know, Rick signed on with ESPN and began writing a front page column on ESPN.com among other things including hosting Homecoming with Rick Reilly specials and contributing to Sportscenter and Monday Night Football broadcasts. Well I’m no doctor but if I was I’d guess at some point during his transformation from SI to ESPN he slipped and bashed his head, or maybe picked up a black tar heroin addiction that altered his personality because something changed. Dude went from the fun loving, hilarious back page columnist to egomaniacal, self-centered, super douche. And it wasn’t a slow transformation either, folks. Shit was quick as fuck. One minute I was itching to read his column, the next day I read it and wanted to punch him in the dick.

It seemed like his entire tone and writing style changed. I always used to think he was funny and seemed like a decent guy to hang out with, but suddenly all his articles were hypercritical, judgmental as fuck and written with a sort of “I’m better than you” feeling to them. From what I remember, during his time at SI he always was able to toe the line of writing emotional articles about tragedy with humor and class, but now all his sob stories come off as “I’m a good person for writing about this disabled kid and you’re a dick for not knowing about him and having legs that work”.

Then Rick started appearing on TV more and more frequently. And let me say, Ricky, buddy, you’re a writer. Stick to writing and get the fuck off my television screen. You’re on air presence sucks ass dude. Plain and simple. It’s like Bill Simmons. Brilliant writer, not so brilliant addition to NBA Countdown. Dudes voice is uber-gay. Granted, Rick Reilly doesn’t have a faggy voice, but he’s awkward as hell to watch. Plus he’s not an insider, he’s not a former player or coach, so he doesn’t really add much to the broadcast. Just kind of seems like he weaseled in there and wants to sound important.

Well all of this came to a climax earlier this NFL season when the cameras caught Ricky begging for a mention that he broke the Big Ben injury story first on twitter.

Basically the clip that we’ve all been waiting for. Everyone knew he was the one begging for on-air credit when the cameras weren’t rolling but nobody had hard evidence until, boom, Rick slipped up on national TV.

If you are wondering how he is on twitter, don’t wonder. He’s terrible. Don’t follow him. Dude makes such lame jokes it’s unreal. You can literally see the strain in his face as he tries to be funny in each one of his tweets.

Well I for one can’t quite figure it out. How did he go from everyone’s favorite back page columnist to one of the biggest tools at ESPN? If I had to guess, I’d assume his the ego buildup of having such a successful column for so many years finally caught up to him? But the more I think about it, I think he’s probably been a uber-douche the whole time. I was just too naive as a child to realize my favorite writer was a giant asshole. Turns out all those articles I chuckled at were written by an imposter. That book, Who’s Your Caddy, the one I listed as my favorite book one lame about me essay I wrote in 9th grade was merely the psycho-babble of a self centered cock smooch.

Suddenly this OW has taken a turn down the highway to sadville, USA. And that was not my intention. The point I wanted to make was this. Rick Reilly is and always will be a attention-starved ass. Let’s hope ESPN figures it out and cans his ass soon, or at least takes him off TV. I can chose to not read his articles, I can’t chose to accidentally hear his feeble attempt at a post-game breakdown of an NFL game I was just watching.

 

– JD

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