It’s All About The Little Things In Life Guys

4 01 2013

the little things

In line with the time of year, I’ve been hearing a lot about how one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions this year is to take time to appreciate the little things in life more. We might’ve dodged a bullet with that Mayan apocalypse false alarm, but don’t think we’ll get so lucky when the ancient Mesopotamians start armageddon predictions. Life is short. Dance like nobody’s watching. Sometimes it’s the little stuff that matters the most. We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. And on and on the facebook statuses and tweets go.

Well, you’re certifiably insane if you think I’m not getting in on this trendy New Year’s Resolution ASAP. If all the cool kids are doing it, then you know your boy JD is on board. January 1-3, wasn’t so good, but today I ran across something that’s going to kick off the new me with a bang. A little thing I could really appreciate.

verne troyer

A glorious picture of Verne Troyer riding a majestic steed in Australia. If you’re blind, let me describe the picture to you. Mini-me’s rocking a mini cowboy hat, a red mini cowboy shirt with some sick ass flames and what looks to be a pair of mini timbos all while atop a miniature horse. It’s a fantastic picture. And one that certainly spurred me to start paying attention to the little things more often, you know, finally come through on one of my NY resolushs. Hey McGriddle, quit being a sarcastic dick. We get it, he’s “little” and you’re “appreciating” him. A picture of a midget riding a horse doesn’t count. Wrong, my friends. It actually does. Because here’s the thing. Until about 20 minutes ago I had totally forgotten that Verne Troyer even existed. Wasn’t even on my radar any more. In fact, I was pretty sure I heard he died after the third Austin Powers movie. But because of this photo he’s back on my mental dashboard.

And this is great news because keep in mind Verne Troyer is an absolute beast. Dudes 2’8″ and he’s 100 times the man I’ll ever be. Let’s review why.

Verne started out as a stuntman in such classics as Dunston Checks In, Jingle All The Way, Volcano,  Men In Black, and Mighty Joe Young. Last I checked being a stuntman is cool, but being a midget stuntman is the COOLEST. And Verne wasn’t some lowly stuntman in a few direct to VHS movies nobody’s seen, he was clearly in some 90s classics.

He then rose to extreme-super fame by playing Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movie series. Verne already had being a famous midget stuntman on his resume, but he wanted more. Like how about being the most famous midget on the planet?


Yay yay!

Following such an iconic role, a lot of times actors fall off. Not Verne. Dude kept bringing the entertainment heat. Take for instance his time on VH1’s Surreal Life in 2005. Though he was competing in a house with in your face personalities like Omarosa, and Peter Brady and Janice Dickinson, you know Verne emerged as the star of the show. And that was entirely due to the time he got wasted and cruised around nude and blacked out on his scooter, took a wiz in the workout room and passed out. Classic.


Following that, he laid low for a few years, one can only assume he was chilling in his mansion with supermodels scurrying around and what not. But then in 2008, he was back on the scene with a sex tape. And what a sex tape it was. Bro might only be tops a foot tall but don’t think he’s not packing a sledge hammer.

After decades of providing millions of people with premium quality midget-entertainment, Verne’s slowed his career as of late. Don’t blame him. The little dude has gotta be exhausted and in desperate need of a nap. But you can be sure he’ll pop up every now and then to remind everyone who’s the king of the little people.


Well Verne, I’m sorry I forgot all about you buddy. Won’t happen again, I can guarantee you that. Thanks for helping me get one step closer to achieving my new year’s resolution. Because after all, one day I’ll look back and realize the little things were actually the….ahh fuck it.


– JD




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