BREAKING NEWS: I Might Actually One Day Enjoy A Broadway Musical

20 11 2012

It should be pretty obvious that everybody at the Mime are huge R. Kelly fans. I’ve alluded to it in numerous times in various posts, including yesterday’s FTK, and I try my best to spread my love for Kells to the rest of America. The guys been through a lot, and sadly the majority of the world sees him as a heinous sex offender that pees on children and not the clear songbird of our generation and current king of R&B. Nobody seems to remember he was found not-guilty on all 14 counts and has since released a number of albums, chart topping singles and is currently on his first American tour in years. I know this because I went to the show when the Single Ladies Tour hit Milwaukee.

All I’ll say about the show was it was the greatest performance I’ve ever witnessed.

In the last few month’s R has been pretty active on twitter revealing he’s working on a bunch of new chapters of his “hip-hopera” saga, Trapped In The Closet. Freaking amazing news. 5 Piece has the first installment on DVD and you’re out of your mind if you don’t think we watch that shit on the reg.

This morning I get a text from Boston’s own D Lav with news that Kells is planning on taking TITC to broadway. I pretty much immediately threw up the oatmeal I had for breakfast, and I didn’t even eat oatmeal for breakfast. Could it really be true? Kells on Broadway? I had to check for myself. So I hopped on the most trustworthy music related news-source out there, Rolling Stone. Sure enough. It’s 100% true, folks. Apparently following a private screening of some new TITC chapters at Sunshine Cinema in NYC last night, R. addressed the Broadway rumors. First off, I’m a little pissed Kels didn’t toss a few VIP invites to the Mime for this screening. We might be all the way in Milwaukee but you can bet your parent’s mortgage I’d be on a plane to New York within seconds of those tickets coming in the mail. Secondly, HOLY FUCKING MOSES, could this finally be the brink of a serious breakthrough in the entertainment preferences of ya boy?

Well as you can imagine, I can’t fucking stand musicals. Pretty sure I was in a bad mood for months after we had to watch The Newsies in 7th grade English class.  I remember sitting through Hairspray the movie with an old GF and I’m honestly surprised I didn’t chug a bottle of nail polish remover on the spot just so I could escape the living hell of watching it. I mean, talk about an annoying movie. If anyone in America was surprised when that shit about John Travolta getting homo handys from masseuses came out earlier this year, just watch that flick. It makes perfect sense. But anyways, my point is, you couldn’t pay me six billion golden pirate treasure coins to sit through a musical.

But when I heard those five magic words – Trapped In The Closet musical, suddenly musicals didn’t seem so bad any more. I found myself on Expedia checking flight/hotel/broadway packages. I was reading reviews of Les Miserables on Wait, did I catch the gay? Am I into buttsex and appletinis now?

No way brah.

Here’s what happened. R. mother flippin Kelly happened. You see, R is such an amazing performer, any genre he touches is gold. C’mon, the dude sang an opera song at the concert I went to and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t in tears 30 seconds in. Do I like opera? No but if R wants to sing opera, he can sing some damn opera. And more importantly, if R puts TITC on broadway, I buy tickets and enjoy every minute of it.


The best part of this Rolling Stone article has to be the quotes R. Kelly gave regarding Trapped In The Closet.

Taking the mic after the screening, Kellz admitted that he never thought his “silly” idea would snowball into a cultural force. “I’m just having a lot of fun,” said Kelly, clad in a sharp tuxedo, red leather gloves and a suspected five-figure watch, peering at the audience from behind indoor sunglasses. “I don’t have a job, so I sit in the studio all the time and think of stupid stuff to do. And this is just something stupid I’ve done that’s been successful. I’m having a lot of fun with it.”


And that, America, is why R. Kelly is the man. Most performing artists when asked whether their “silly idea” would grow into a cultural force, would probably say something like deep down they knew it was big, yadda yadda ego ego I’m awesome. Not R. He straight up admits he thought it was a stupid idea. Didn’t think it had merit, just was having fun with it. But because the man is a musical genius, even his “stupid” ideas wind up killing it. He didn’t take credit for creating a brilliant saga, he just stated the facts. He was bored, he wanted to make a crazy hip-hopera and the rest, my friends, is entertainment history. For those who haven’t watched TITC, you better go do it. Seriously. Like now. Drop what you’re doing. Jump out of your car. Quit your job and watch the first 22 chapters. Tell your boss its an emergency and he should fuck off for a minute while you attend to an urgent matter.

After that, watch the recently released 23rd chapter:


Because Trapped In The Closet: The Next Installment, featuring 18 new chapters, is due out in three days. And 30 more chapters will begin filming in early January 2013.

Sadly, there’s no official word when TITC will hit broadway, so until then I’m going to go back to hating musicals. But I guarantee you the day it hits the stage, I’ll be there front and center with tears of joy in my eyes and a rock hard bone in my pants.


– JD




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