Buzz Cuts: Who Rocked It Best?

6 11 2012

If the title of this post gave you a hard rock favorites boner I apologize, this is not a tribute to one of the greatest rock compilation albums of all time. Instead, you’re about to enter a (shaved) head to head to head competition amongst female celebs who’ve gone a little heavy on the #1 clipper. So set your air guitar down and whip your dick out.

Following Kellie Pickler’s butch, yet somehow still smokin hot, haircut at the CMA’s last Thursday, the Mime decided to take a look over the years at which ladies have rocked the buzz cut best. Surprisingly, most celebs who’ve ditched the long locks for a close shave are (or were) pretty hot. Some have even embraced the look long term. Whatever the reason, there’s a boatload of female celebs that have done it at some point. So in the off chance that you’re into that sort of thing, before you hop on red tube and search for shaving porn, take a peek at the list below.

Quick side note, your pal JD is not a big fan of women with shaved heads, or short hair in general for that matter. I think that probably goes for most of our generation. Sure, once women get older they often ditch the long hair, because old gray long hair just screams pee pants cat lady. But short hair in the 18-35 age bracket just doesn’t float my boat. In fact, it makes my boat sink real fast, Titanic style. It’s kind of like my thoughts on bangs. Almost every gal tries to pull them off at one point in time, and it rarely works. Granted, fewer girls try to pull off short hair than bangs, but the point remains true: it’s a big gamble. It’s like dudes rocking long flow. Unless you’re a hockey player or a surfer or John Stamos, flowing locks on a dude usually don’t work. Take my super sexy fro in high school, for example. Global pantie dropper, but that’s because I’m a hockey player/John Stamos fan.

Alright, let’s get back to the matter at hand, ladies with shaved domes. Here are my top ten.

10. Sinead O’Connor

Nothing compared to how much this broad looked like a dude. Can’t have a shaved head list without her, though.

9. India Arie

India was killin the buzzed look at the BET awards a few years ago. Love that drawn on curl up front too. Realistic as fuck. Makes me almost not notice the wagon wheels she’s got for earrings.

8. Britney Spears

I’m not even mad at her for this. Can’t hate on smoking a couple crack rocks and heading to Great Clips to shave your dome. Sounds like a typical Tuesday after work for JD. Plus she has that “I’m going to rip your balls off” look. I like that look.

7. Anne Hathaway

Thought that was a pic of J Beibs with brown hair. Granted its more of a fohawk than a buzz, but the point is she looks like a Lesbian dude.

6. Charlize Theron

Charlize might’ve hit the number one spot on this countdown if it wasn’t for that lame ass fedora. You gotta own the look, babe! OWN IT!

5. Cameron Diaz

Lookin like a cone head here which leads me to believe this is probably a bald cap. Either way, that’s the hottest cone head I’ve seen since Dan Aykroyd.

4. Demi Moore

Now, back when D-to-the-Emi shaved her head it was the mid 90s and she was by far the hottest woman ever. Have you seen Striptease?? I’ve never been harder in my life than when I went to Video Update with a fake ID to rent that bad boy in 9th grade. So naturally, even buzzed up, she’s a smokeshow.

3. Amber Rose

Honestly she’s rocked the shaved look so long it would be weird to see her with long hair. Her bod is rockin, even if she’s pregnant with a Wiz-ling, but something about a bleach blonde buzz cut reminds me of Sports Illustrated for Kids.

2. Natalie Portman

Maybe it’s because V for Vendetta was the tits. Maybe it’s her awesome new tits, either way Nat-atat rocked the bald look like a goddamn champ.

1. Kellie Pickler

Pretty sure half my fifth grade class rocked this exact hairstyle in 99, but nonetheless with it, she looked like a sexy bi-curious minx at the CMA’s last week. Not that I watch the CMA’s or anything. I don’t. I just read People magazine on the reg.

 

So, what did we learn today? Well basically that unless it’s for a movie role or to support a pal with cancer, most ladies should probably return their Wahl clippers ASAP.

– JD

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