Coors, you funny brah.

8 10 2012

Did you just snow on me?

I’ve alluded to it numerous times on twitter, but Coors is dominating the beer commercials game right now. Yeah I know, technically it’s MillerCoors, they’re one in the same now. Even though I’ve spent the last five years living in Milwaukee, Miller ain’t got shit on Coors. In taste and in advertising. For a while there I thought Miller was back in the game with their ‘Man Up’ commercials but then they started running these

and these

and it was official. Miller commercials were gay once more.

Meanwhile their partner in crime, Coors and Coors Light, have been sticking with the same classic formula and, surprise surprise, it keeps working. The recipe? Simple. Humor and that dude with the deep voice.

Obviously, Coors Light and Coors are very different beers. For one, Coors ‘heavy’ tastes like a can of dicks while Coors Light is one of the better tasting light beers out there. Coors is “the banquet beer” while Coors Light is “the world’s most refreshing beer”. Coors knows what they have, they stick with their two big kahunas and they know how to differentiate them. Meanwhile Miller is tossing Miller64 and MGD and Miller High Life and a bunch of other brews at us. All while their biggest seller, Miller Lite, remains a lousy tasting beer. Plus it’s a scientific fact that it produces worse hangovers than drinking any other brew. Six Miller Lites and I feel like hell the next morning, six Bud Lights and I feel like a million bucks. Pretty sure they tested that shit on Mythbusters. What’s that? They didn’t? Hmm. Well they should get on that. Easiest “myth” upheld ever. Give some lab rats a sip of Miller Lite and the next day I guarantee they’ll be posted up on the couch muscling down a Gatorade.

But enough about taste. Back to the matter at hand, commercials. What types of emotions do they stir up? Let’s take a look at a couple recent commercials:

Coors commercials stir up a whole truckload of manly emotions. Anger and rage and deep voices and fixing things and flannel and rocky mountains. I don’t even want a case of Coors right now but I’m on my way to buy one.

Meanwhile the Coors Light-Ice Cube connection just might be one of the greatest product/rapper team ups I’ve ever seen. Just when I thought the Coors commercials with NFL coaches were as funny as it gets, the aluminum pint shows up at Ice’s studio and snipes his recording time. Classic. No matter how hard Ice tries, he can’t be colder than the aluminum pint. It’s an age old cat and mouse game that provides us all with plenty of laughs along the way.

It’s kind of like all other beers are in the pool, just failing around aimlessly while Coors is Michael fucking Phelps swimming at 30 knots right to the finish line. And in a world where 10 commercials out of 10 are beyond horrific, that’s pretty neat. I’m looking at you, Corona.

– JD

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