Entrepreneur of the Month: Shy Anderson

20 09 2012

So the internet blew up like my Uncle Milton’s first marriage a few weeks ago over what at first glance, looked like Jerry Jones’ personal eye glasses cleaner. The rumors quickly fizzled out when it was made known that the man cleaning Jerry’s glasses was none other than his son-in-law. America’s knee jerk reaction of “damn he’s so rich…he must have a personal pube trimmer too” morphed into “haha sucks for that dude, what a subservient biotch” almost instantaneously. Talk about double edged sword. Like yeah you get to get all up in Jerry Jones’ daughter‘s chocolate factory and his fortune and all the perks that go along with that, but at the same time you pretty much have to drop down and tongue blast Jerry’s ballsac if he asks you to.

It’s a give and take scenario for the ages, and one that I’d guess pretty much every man on the planet would take. Per usual, the internet did a little more digging on this mystery son-in-law. The dude’s name is Shy Anderson. He’s rich off his ass and seems to be a pretty boss character. Used to own an arena league football team, has his hands in like 400 Jones family honey pots, claims to be an entrepreneur, you know the deal. Pretty sure you don’t marry into one of the wealthiest families in Texas without swingin a big business dick. Gay name, but a seemingly helluva guy.

So what does a forward thinking, biznaz man like Shy-guy do in a media frenzy like this? He capitalizes on the situation and dreams up a new product called “Jerry Wipes”, that’s what. Basically a standard cloth glasses wipe with Jerry Jones name on it. KABOOM. More cash flow rolling in for the Jones family. I don’t even have glasses and already I gotta have me some Jerry Wipes. Bust one out at a client lunch outing. Nothing to see over here guys, just wiping this hollandaise sauce off the corner of my mouth with an OFFICIALLY LICENSED JERRY WIPE. They’re used by Jerry Jones, not sure if you’ve heard of him. KABOOM again. Let’s do business, you seem like a stand up dude. Here’s a blank check, write down whatever number you feel is fair.

They’ll basically sell themselves. Plus it’s rumored that they’re designed by Shy Anderson himself. I’m not a fashion expert but last I checked designing fashion accessories is basically the only step to take after owning an arena league football team. It’s a natural transition smoother than Johnny Bravo pickin up sluts. Maybe get Burberry or Vera Bradley or whichever other fashion person kids are cumming themselves for these days in on the idea. Now Shy’s got a whole line of Jerry Wipes. Pretty soon you’re expanding into gym towels, moist towelettes, windshield wipers, you name it. Shit, I should pretty much be hired at this point right? Shy? Cool…we’ll chat later.

Hats off to Shy and the whole Jones crew. You’re an inspiration to us all.

 

– JD

PS – based on the mind boggling page views the mime’s been reppin, seems like some first edition Jerry Wipes for the price of on the house are in order, right?

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24 09 2012
Northern Xposure Week 3: Bears-Rams postgame «

[…] can’t think of a single one of those that has ever happened). I’ll be sure to have some Jerry Wipes on hand when the shit hits the fan, whether it goes down happy or sad. In reality I’ll […]

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