TODM Showdown: Terry Crews vs. Terry Tate

18 09 2012

vs.

Another month, another TODM showdown. Be sure to keep your head on a swivel for this one because we’ve got two legendary tanks going head to head. Things could get messy.

Terry Crews and Terry Tate. Given that I’m writing this one in my office I was actually afraid to write out that second name, mainly out of respec. Didn’t want to get speared into a file cabinet. Even though he’s been off the tube for years, everyone knows the office linebacker is omnipresent. But I sacked up and realized the office linebacker doesn’t care about lowly office cherubs like myself. He’s around to motivate the big shots.

So back we are at square one. Two enormous black men going toe to toe. Both share the same name, same on screen intensity and from what I’d imagine, the same dick size (XXL). “Terrible” Terry Tate, sadly a fictional character, was the subject of one of the greatest ads Reebok, or any company for that matter, has ever done. Terry Crews, who is a very real person, has been crushing Old Spice ads for a hot minute, among many other hilarious and intimidating television and film characters. Just a second ago I glanced up at that Terry Tate picture and pissed myself a bit, so let’s cut the intro and jump on in.

 

Stats – Can’t be fugzin with that camera adds 80 lbs bullshit. Got to be able to back it up IN REAL LIFE.

Terry Tate aka Lester Speight – 6’5″ 280

Terry Crews – 6’2″ 245

Edge: Terry Tate

 

Alter Egos – Since they’re both actors, we’ve gotta look at the beastly characters they portrayed.

Lester Speight one and (from what I originally thought) only character was Terrible Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. Turns out I was wrong. He also was a professional wrestler, wrestling under such classics as Rasta The Voodoo Man. He also played an unnamed bouncer that got juked old school style by Anthony Anderson in Cradle 2 The Grave.

Terry Crews has played about four trillion memorable characters in the last decade. A few of my favorites include 8 Ball in Malibu’s Most Wanted, Cheeseburger Eddy in The Longest Yard, Cool Crush Ice Killa in Puff, Puff, Pass, Hale Caesar in The Expendables and Julius Rock in Everybody Hates Chris.

Edge: Terry Crews

 

Football Career – Belie it or not, both of these boss hogs were actual professional football players. Crazy right? Would’ve thought CPA or Claims Adjuster for sure. Who was more dominant on the gridiron?

Despite a super short professional career with the Baltimore Stars of the USFL, Lester Speight was apparently an All American linebacker at Morgan State in the mid 80s. Must’ve doled out too many concusions he got banned or something. Then of course, he spent the early 2000s forcing laptop fumbles and water cooler goal line stands as Terrible Terry Tate. Meanwhile Terry Crews spent his college years as an all-conference defensive end at Western Michigan University. He was actually drafted by the Los Angeles Rams in 1991 and spent seven seasons in the league. Honestly I did not know that until just now.

Edge – Terry Crews

 

Funnier Commercials?

Edge: Gotta give it to Terry Tate-r totz. But maybe we should toss this one up to a vote.

 

Cheese Related Catch Phrase –

Edge: Terry Tate

 

Looks like Terrold Tate sneaks out a win. Mr. Crews if you’re reading this, no disrespect intended please don’t beat me to death with a pillowcase of Old Spice swagger body wash. Congrats to Lester Speights. Wish the office linebacker was still regulating the workspace. One more for the road:

 

– JD

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