Northern Xposure Week 2: Chicago Bears

13 09 2012





Well folks, the big day is upon us once more. I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t been thinking about tonight for the entire week, and if there’s one thing I’m not it is a liar. Brian crushes skulls with his bear hands for transgressions far less than that. That being said, the stage is set for yet another brawl to the death between the two powerhouses that have combined to win 9 of the past 11 division titles (too soon?) I’m sure stats will be thrown around tonight like the ball itself or Cedric Benson’s torso, so I’ll bore you now with the only one that’s been on my mind: the Bears were 6-2 vs. the Pack in Lovie’s first four years as head coach, and guess what that record has turned to since A-Rodge took over? 2-6 (and no I’m not including the playoff game cuz fuck that game). Looking at it now makes me wince real hard. But finally, after a leap year being dominated, my Bears have awakened from hibernation. In unison. On all sides of the ball.

With the laughable trade for Brandon Marshall this offseason (cherish that 3rd rounder, Dolphucks!) and acquisitions Alshon Jeffrey and Michael Bush, the Bears are prepared to blast a huge load of offense all over the field right alongside the high octane Green and Yellow (that shit is NOT Gold, Come On!) The thing most people don’t realize, though, is that in these last 8 contests only last year’s finale saw the winning team score more than 30 points. And that was with Josh friggin McCown at the helm for the Bears. But 5Piece, how can that be possible with Aaron Godgers being the immortal QB that he is, you ask. The reason for this is a defense full of wily vets who know the Pack offense inside and out. So the big question is, can this aging but disciplined defense slow down the GB passing attack enough to let this BRAND NEW Chicago offense get a leg up? I say yes. Both secondaries will be susceptible, so I’m hoping for nothing more than a draw in that aspect (yes, even with Greg “he broke his fuckin…groin?” Jennings on the sideline). I think we’re headed for a 30+ point game for both teams. Mark my words though, (or don’t) these will be the difference makers tonight:

1) The trenches: whoever can better control the line of scrimmage for the run game and protect their gunslinger. Pretty easy to guess at who will have the better rushing attack, but pass protection remains a concern for the orange and navy. Advantage: Even

2) Cutler’s decision making: in Tice’s new offense, which may I remind you the packers have not played against, Cutler has much more freedom to change plays at the line of scrimmage, and utilizes shorter drops than under Mike “I heart sac(k)s” Martz. The audibles he calls at the line when the Pack brings pressure will be crucial to 3rd down success. And then, you know, there’s avoiding throws like the walk in pick 6 from last week. Advantage: Bears

3) Special teams: we saw Randall “Slob on my” Cobb go the distance last week with a little help from Keanu Reeves & friends the replacement refs, and as the all time kick return TD record holder, I don’t think I need to bark up the Hester tree too hard. Advantage: Even

4) WHO MUFUGGIN WANTS IT MORE?!?! Clearly the most important. Tonight will tell us, but as I understand it the Pack would rather not start the season 0-2 at home to a powerful division rival. Advantage (for now): Packers.

Fearless prediction: Bears 37, Packers 31




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