Your Superficial Fall 2012 Preview (Pt. III)

29 08 2012

By Kleinz 57

(Part I)

(Part II)

November 2

Wreck-It Ralph

This was a long time coming, right? Pixar’s already sapped dry the anthropomorphic animals pool, so the digital world was the next obvious step. I can only hope securing the rights to Mario, Street Fighter, and Pac-Man characters was an indispensable addition to video game existentialism.


By my count, Zemeckis hasn’t made a good movie since he stopped casting real people in them. Perhaps Flight is a return to that, although the fewer chances ‘Zel gets to hold a piece, the slimmer our chances become.

The Man With the Iron Fists 

A whole lot could go wrong with a director’s debut. Especially if it’s a kung-fu blaxploitation mashup about a guy who welds metals gloves onto his hands. And especially if said director has no prior experience and is also a member of the Wu-Tang Clan.

Still don’t care.

November 9


Forget Quantum of Whateverthefuck. Bond is back, baby. More importantly, established directors are back, baby, what with MGM dumping boatloads into its only two bankable properties. To hell with the presidential election. November is the launch of a campaign to get Christopher Nolan on board one of these sumbitches. BWOOOOOND.

November 16


Despite The Master’s obvious Oscar bait potential, Spielberg could drop a homemade stinky Snickers bar on a reel of celluloid, slap Tom Hanks’ name on it, and the Academy would still have a month-long joygasm. He’s pinch-hitting Daniel Day-Lewis for the role of Honest Abe here. No word yet on how this thing smells. (You’re welcome for the thirty-second poster trailer, by the way.)

November 21

Life of Pi

Best part of this? The five-year old two rows ahead of me who giggled “Life of Pee.

Red Dawn

I get this is just a movie, but North Korea? Really? In what universe? Oh right. The one where insane NRA nutjobs are already popping half-masters at the thought of a Red Dawn remake. If you listen closely, you can hear the muffled cackles of Charlton Heston’s corpse.

Rise of the Guardians 

Sorry, videogames AND figments of children’s imaginations. I really want Guardians to do well, if not for my Santa Claus fetish than for the sake of Dreamworks Animation. This costs as much as that James Bond movie. That’s a deal breaker!




One response

30 08 2012
Your Superficial Fall Film Preview | Majestic Wolf Blog

[…] Part I Part II Part III […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: