Meet The Newest Mime

28 08 2012

Everyone wipe the Tuesday afternoon Arby’s sauce off your button down and help me in welcoming the Mimes newest east coast contributor, Bronxville’s own, Stevie Funyuns. Cap’n Funyuns comes to the mime with his literary guns ablazin, hot off the law school streets of Manhattan. When he’s not putting in the man hours for a career as an attorney that’s sure to make Johnny Cochran look like Lionel Hutz, he can be found whippin work and/or HALLELUJAH.

Fret not my Wisconsin Mime compadres, for despite his Jew York roots, Stevie is loyal to the Green and Gold. Rumors have it that he owns not one, but two man thongs made entirely of cheese. And not even that fake foam cheese, I’m talking two banana hammocks crafted  from the finest wheel of Provolone.

Now before I get all our lady readers out there index blasting their tuna casserole, peep his 2012 combine statistics:

Height – 6′ 4″

Weight – 245 (including Timbos and platinum jock)

Carpet Matches The Pubes? – Yep

Eyes -Deep Caribbean Blue

Bench x 25 reps – A Toyota Tundra crew cab

Sit and Reach – 46 sit-n-reach units

40 yard dash – 4.77 (repeating of course) seconds

Typing: words per minute – 190

Nickname – Word Moses

Expertise – Sub-Saharan intellectual property laws/triple beam dreams

 

Welcome aboard Stevie.

– JD

 

 

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