TODM Name Showdown: Doug v Curtis

21 08 2012

Doug and Curtis. Two of the finest male names in the english language. In recent years these once popular names have been on a massive downfall. Probably had something to do with being replaced with edgy names like Brody and Broden and Madisyn and New Bedford. Both names are powerful, explosive and umm, powerful. Upon hearing them uttered, they have been known to cause lesser men to cream themselves and slip into an immediate defeat coma. Time and time again, Dougs and Curtises have used their royal name lineage to rise to the top of mankind and dominate one facet of life after the next. Yet one question remains, year after year. Which name has been better represented throughout the ages?

The answer to that question has largely remained a mystery. Legend has it that ancient monks used to ponder it in silence until one day their frustration erupted in an epic nude monk battle ending when they all murdered each other with crowbars. Gruesome I know, but that’s history for you. Well the time has come for this question to be settled once and for all. I can’t think of a better venue than the Off Duty Mime showdown. In past showdowns we’ve pitted arch rival news anchors, and hot grandmas and, well, that’s pretty much been it so far. The result? Two of the most  least epic showdowns east of the mississippi. But…THAT’S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE.

Today we’ll take a look at some of the most renowned Dougs and Curtises on the planet to determine once and for all, which name is cooler. Buckle up, grab a couple Big Hurt Beers and enjoy.



Doug E. Fresh

Freshest sonuvabitch on the planet. Brought cool names to a whole new level.

Doug Funny

Voice for the socially awkward. Slayed hos with his banjo skills and awesome dog Porkchop. 11 year old by day, Quailman by night.

Doug Gottlieb

Simultaneously dropped and fucked a record number of dimes at Oklahoma State. Now he drops college basketball knowledge at CBS.

Doug E. Doug

Dude was Sanka in Cool Runnings. Nuff said.

Douglas MacArthur

Pretty sure he was a Revolutionary War, Civil War, WWI and WWII hero. Corncob pipe trailblazer too.




Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson

Got rich and didn’t even die trying.

Curtis (P) Enis

I hate the shit out of the Bears and even I can’t deny how much I love Curtis Enis. Definitely my favorite NFL Blitz 2000 player. Just gotta keep convincing myself his middle name started with a P.

Curtis Mayfield

Legend of funk. Also legend of chest hair.

Curtis LeMay

American WWII OG. The guy strategically bombed the FUGZ out of Japan, among other shitty countries.

Curt Shilling

He pitched through the pain. Then he lost all his money in a hilarious video game developing company fail. THAT’S the American dream.



Tough call my friends, a modern day barn burner if I’ve ever seen one. I think the deciding vote comes down to the meaning of each name. Douglas, a name of royal Scottish descent, literally means “dark stream”. Curtis means ‘polite, courteous or well-bred’. Kind of gay, honestly both those definitions are kind of making me re-think this entire post, but it’s too late for that. How about we settle it by musical dedications:


Doug wins! Even Fitty can agree Curtis was a sucky album.

Honorable Mentions: Doug Heffernan, Doug Benson, Kurtis Blow, Curtis Granderson


– JD




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