OW: Shannon Eastin

8 08 2012

Shannon Eastin aka The NFL’s first female referee

Here at TODM headquarters we’re not afraid to dive head-first into any ‘hot’ topic. Whether it’s literally diving off a mall balcony into a Hot Topic store for some sick Insane Clown Posse apparel or figuratively diving into an issue like female refs in the NFL, we’re amped to write about controversial stories. That’s why I heard about this on the radio earlier in the week and figured I had to write an OW on it.

For those wondering who that butch broad dressed up like an NFL referee for Halloween is, the answer is that’s Shannon Eastin, a 42 year old gal who’s life long dream is to make it as a ref in the National Football League. Kinda weird dream but we’ll let it slide. Apparently, as of late she’s been the officiating crew chief in the Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference (Coastal Carolina and that’s the only school I know in that conference). Not sure exactly what that means, I guess maybe she’s like the Mike Pereira of the MEAC? Jury’s still out on that one. Anyways, she’s making national sporting news because, come tomorrow at 7PM, she’ll be the first woman to officiate an NFL game. Which game you ask? The pre-season opener for the Green Bay Packers vs the San Diego Chargers. A barn burner no doubt.

As most folks know, ya cuz JD Mcpancakes is a HUGE Packers fan. So, obviously, this historic achievement hits a little closer to home for the Myme. Not in the sense that I’m afraid she’ll blow a call and we’ll lose to the Chargers in the pre-season, I along with most of America, don’t give a shit who wins. It’s the PRESEASON. More along the lines of I’ll more than likely be watching the game, unlike if Shannon was kicking off her NFL career officiating a Browns vs. Bengals game.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to piss off any feminists. Ladies, if you’re reading this which you’re probably not, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a female NFL ref. I just think choosing to be one is for the birds. First of all, I don’t understand why any guy would want to be a pro sports referee. Job would suck magnum bone. Like every single call you make half the people watching are going to hate. Sure, sure it keeps the integrity of the sport and it gets you close to the players and it pays pretty decent etc etc. You blow one game-changing call and you’ve got hundreds of degenerate assholes heading to Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy a rifle to shoot your face off next time you take a trip to the supermarket. “Hey honey, did my sweater from Woolrich arrive in the mail today?” “Nope, just 460 hate letters and a dead fox.”

Add to that being a woman, and not just any woman, the FIRST woman. HAY-zeus cristo. I guess thank god for instant replay and challenges, because every call she makes is going to be under a microscope. Shannon better have elephantiasis of the balls because she’s going to need a phat pair to deal with that. Plus, of course, the players and coaches themselves. Ever wonder why Ed Hochuli is built like a concrete bomb shelter? Ever wonder why Mike Carey has a pimp ass mustache? For protection yo. I’ve watched Hardknocks. All NFL players either want to be scoring touchdowns or whooping someones ass. That’s it. So if you say dude was out on the 2 yard line, someone’s ass is finna get whooped up on. More than likely, that ass is yours.

Lastly, even if the players learn to respect you and accept you as a legit referee you still have to deal with the possibility of this on a weekly basis:

 

Oh and this:

 

Just a face full of astro turf for lunch.

So Shannon, good luck out there gurl. You’ve got more courage than ten JD Mcwaffles, that’s for sure. It’s the pre-season though, so no pressure. Picture all the players naked or something.

– JD

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