Overreaction Wednesday: Madonna Whips Nip Out; My Weiner Hesitates, Then Moves Slightly. (NSFW)

19 06 2012

Fucking Madonna, dude.  She’s relentless. You know what, when you’ve been a pioneer in the game since Day 1 I guess you just develop a sixth sense for knowing when you need to pull out all the stops and start yankin’ yer tit out to get some chatter going again about your career. This was a brilliantly calculated move by Madonna and what I imagine would be her Titty Agent, or PR Rep, or whatever. Just when you thought she was throwing in the towel and slipping quietly into retirement she comes out guns blazing and just starts getting nude on stage. In reality, though, this story should bring absolutely zero surprise or shock whatsoever. Madonna showers in these types of power plays and I respect the hell out of her for it. As a matter of fact, I fully intend to take a page out of her book when my inevitably short-lived career starts to derail. I’ll be on the chopping block 15 minutes from getting canned, and I’ll unbutton my shirt, scoop a nipple out in front of my boss and graciously accept a generous promotion. Thanks Mad-Dog, for the foolproof strategy. Gotta keep the general public on their toes anxiously awaiting their next glimpse of a breast. What make-a-da-world go ‘round.

 

That nip is 100% muscle.

God knows my interest in the music industry would skyrocket if more performers had the set of cojones that Madonna has. And part of me thinks that’s not a metaphor. Madonna may have a set of nuts. But you get Beyonce or Carrie Underwood to pull a stunt like this and I’d be buying up $80 concert tickets like they were front row seats to a Jenny McCarthy gyno checkup. There’s a business idea in there somewhere…

And Madonna doesn’t stop there. A week later she’s doing another show in Germany or something and she bends over and pulls her buttcheeks out. T&A like it ain’t no thang. Treating the crowd to an eyeful of pasty ass crack that makes one wonder how many foot-pounds of force that b-hole would put on a turd. Or Alex Rodriquez’ dong. Or Brittney Spears’ fingers. Or my face.

 

All kidding aside, God bless you Madonna. I’ll level with you, babe, your tits are disgusting, but somehow I can’t look away. I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for your next move.  At this rate, a couple more shows and you’ll be belting out ‘Like A Virgin’ with your snatch out while simultaneously playing keyboard with a strap-on and asphyxiating your backup dancers with g-strings while they squat on sybian machines that are mounted on giant wiener sculptures. That’s just how this shit progresses.

 

-SR

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