Underrated Hottie of the Week

12 06 2012

Amber Heard

Heard THAT! Wish I didn’t, but I just heard it. See it works perfectly there because she’s in the scene of the movie where that line came from and her last name is also Heard so it’s funny and stuff. Laugh, goddamnit! I mean that’s classic humor right there. Can’t coach that. They should be payin me fo this!

Whatev-city, I don’t want to get my feathers all ruffled up over one failed joke. Plus, my feathers are already ruffled beyond belief after viewing the dy-no-mite rack of our underrated hottie of the week, Amber Heard. Most of you will recognize her as Dale Denton’s high school honey from 2008’s Pineapple Express. Others may get a flashback chub recalling her sweet ass in scenes from movies like Zombieland, The Joneses or The Rum Diary (maybe Zombieland, but what kind of nutjobs have seen either of those other two?). For all our Nic Cage fans, who could forget Amber’s sex-tastic job in the ass kicking fest that was Drive Angry? Nobody, is the answer to that question. Nobody.

For me, her role in Pineapple Express sealed my fate as a member of the Amber Heard fan club. That hotel scene where she’s all pissed is not only hilarious but also hot. Hair all disheveled, titties a-poppin, weird picnic tablecloth dress also a-poppin. Personally, I thought she was a little too hot to be Seth Rogan’s lady, but ehhh the movie is too funny to care all that much about the little details.

Then about two years ago Amber busts out of the closet quicker than…well quicker than most male celebrities who usually wait a lengthy time and then do it in a way that makes it seem like nobody knew, when in reality the entire world knew (ahem Lance Bass). So yeah, she’s a lesbo. But hey, I can’t hate on that. Keep on keepin on, Amber. And hey, if you ever feel like switching back to the Big Leagues, give me a buzz. I’m cool with two girls one cup.


– JD




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