Now THIS is a Complaint Letter

8 05 2012

Yesterday afternoon a close pal of mine told me he was having some major issues with his cable and internet provider, Time Warner Cable, over a couple after-work brews. With how mad he was I would’ve thought the cable tech they sent over burglarized his wife’s jewelry collection and ate his first born child…alive. Not the case at all. Turns out he’s been paying for premium cable and internet services and TWC has been shitting the bed when it comes to giving that to him. So long story short medium, he drafted up a letter and told me to post it on The Mime. Guess he thought since The Mime is such a global blogging juggernaut maybe it’d pick up some steam and get his issue fixed. Fat chance that’l happen but whatevs.

 

Here’s his letter in full:

Time Warner Cable Letter

 

Little lengthy and touchy on the blatant racism against the fine folks of India but other than that he made some valid points.

Listen, I get it. It’s a big time of the year for sports to have your cable out. NBA Playoffs, NHL Playoffs, MLB getting under way, TALLADEGA WAS LAST WEEKEND! I don’t know about you but I NEED up to the second Saints Bountygate updates. Have they lined up the entire Saints defensive team in front of a firing squad yet? No? Roger Goodell you’re getting soft, dog.

You get my point though, these cable/internet provider monopolies and their awful customer service can bring even the calmest man to a full blown sack-tapping-random-dudes-on-the-street rage. I’ve been there before. Your read that correctly, even your fearless blogging leader, JD McNipples, gets pissed occasionally.

The year was 2008. It was a lovely autumn day in early October. The White Sox just knocked off the Twins in game 163. I had to go watch at a bar with a bunch of still drunk off their 05′ World Series win White Sox fans because my dorm room cable wouldn’t show the damn game. Just wanted to watch in peace, by myself. Nope. Didn’t happen. Next thing I know the Twins lose and I’m sprinting down the street punching random hobos in the groin. By random hobos I mean I punched my good pal directly in the dick. Swelled up something fierce. Wait, maybe he just got a pain boner. Guess we’ll never know for sure. I don’t know what got into me, though. Whatever it was, I 100% blame my cable provider. Those guys just SUCK.

So bravo friend of the Mime that will remain unnamed. You wrote the letter we all wanted to write.

 

-JD

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