OW: Are You F–king Kidding Me?

18 04 2012

Leave it to the internet’s bitchy Step-Sister, The Huffington Post, to provide this week’s OW material.

Before yah dude dives in, I’d like to apologize to our die hard Sonion Ring fans, probably wondering where he’s been lately. Sonathen Rings has been out of the country on business for the last month. I sent him to China to promote the Mime. Gotta get a foothold in the Asian markets. You’re only as strong as your weakest Asian fan, that’s what I always say. He’ll be back soon. I think I speak for us all when I say hopefully he didn’t contract a variety pack of Opium den transmitted diseases.

 

As I said, this weeks material comes from The Huffington Post’s Weird News section. Apparently a town in Austria called, no joke, ‘Fucking’, is voting to change the town name this week. Check out the town’s Wikipedia page, pretty entertaining stuff. I guess the town’s residents, known as ‘Fuckingers’, are finally fed up with their hometown name. Apparently explaining you’re from “Fucking, Austria” gets old after a while?

I mean it doesn’t take a humor guru to figure out that pretty much anything spoken or written in English about this town is grade A comedy material. Just check out a random sentence in the article – ‘”The only problem is that we need all of the F–king residents to agree to the name change,” Mayor Franz Meindl told the Sun.

Sounds like one impatient mayor.

Obviously it isn’t pronounced ‘FUCKING’, like it is in English. It’s apparently pronounced ‘Fooking’. Really though, that isn’t much better. Plus pronunciations can lick my left teste, as far as I’m concerned it’s how it looks on paper. Just look at the number 80085. At first glance it’s a number, and given I hate math, I don’t care much for it. But throw that down on a ’97 TI-108 and you’ve got BOOBS. Hilarious every time.

I guess the big question is how did it take this long for the residents to decide they should change their town name? Pretty sure ‘fuck’ has been the big tuna of internationally recognized English swear words for quite some time now. Like the wiki even says since US troops discovered the town in WWII it’s been a hotspot for tourists taking hilarious photos next to town signs. Not sure on the math but wasn’t that like 65 years ago? At that point I’d think the mayor would be all, “Shiiiiit, our town’s name is the King Tut of swear words in the most universally used language on the planet (eat a dick Chinese…oh wait). Maybe we should change er up, pronto.”

Guess it took their town sign being stolen HUNDREDS of times for Mayor Oblivious to put the decision up for a vote. But then dude didn’t even offer up reasonable alternatives to vote on. No fakesies, the two alternatives are ‘Fuking’ or ‘Fugging’. Genius stuff. Hey I’ve got an idea! Let’s spend tax dollars on new signs that change our town name from the exact spelling of an expletive to the slang spelling. That’d be like if a town called ‘Pussy Bitch’ changed their name to ‘Poosy Biotch’. Wayyy better. Thank god we all wasted a Thursday afternoon crammed into the town hall voting on that shit. Problem solved.

Just do yourselves a favor and keep it as ‘Fucking, Austria’. I mean your town has a population of 104 and you’re way more famous than most towns with 50,000+ residents. I’d be proud as shit to be from Fucking. Probably don’t have a Fucking High School but if they did I hope their mascot would be the Dickheads. I can see it now. “Tonight in the wild world of Austrian High School Basketball we have an epic matchup. The Ansfelden Mountaineers go head to head against the Fucking Dickheads. Stick around, it’s going to be a good one.”

Or just change it to something more Austrian, like maybe Worfelfeldensnotchz. Build a couple ski resorts, call it a day. American tourists will eat that up. “Ohhh, it’s so quaint and cozy.” Really? Funny story about this town. It used to be called Fucking.

 

-JD

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27 12 2012
The Mime Year in Review «

[…] 7. OW: Are You F-king Kidding Me? […]

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