OW: Bayless Untrue-Source

11 04 2012

Skip ‘To My Lou’ Bayless is a one of a kind douche. I mean his Wikipedia page pretty much sums him up to perfection – “He is perhaps best known for his constant yelling, stretching the truth, and sometimes controversial stances on professional athletes.” They also list his top nickname as, Comedy Gold’. Wikipedia, you’ve done it again.

If you’ve never heard of him or seen/read his work then the above description tells you about all you need to know to form an educated opinion on the dude. I mean it’s only fair. That’s about how deep Skip researches an athlete before shredding him or her on national television. Here’s how an average segment of his show, ESPN First & 10, normally goes:

 

Skip: “AHHHHHHHH YELLING NOISES. I RULE AT LIFE. DID I MENTION I’D SUCK TIM TEBOW’S DICK FO FREE?? YELLINGGG”

Random Guest Host: “Interesting stuff Skip, I totally disagree.”

Skip: “I KNOW MORE ABOUT SPORTS THAN YOU SO SHUT UP.”

Stephen A. Smith: “God I can’t stand working with you…”

Skip: “You know what I can’t stand? People saying I’m not a legit sports analyst. Last I checked I played 11 seasons at cornerback for the Oakland Raiders. How’s that for credentials?”

Random Guest Host: “No you fucking didn’t Skip.”

Skip: “LOUUUUDDD SCREAMING NOISES!!! BASKETBALL!!”

Stephen A. Smith: “Anybody own a gun?”

– Commercial Break –

Not quite word for word, but you get the general idea.

 

 

Well this ‘stretching of the truth’ was taken to new levels of stupidity a few weeks ago when Skip attempted to back up his argument that OKC’s Russell Westbrook shoots too much by taking to Twitter. He tweeted, “FYI: I started for high school team that lost in state finals. Coach didn’t like me b/c I shot too much and he wanted me to be more PG.” So, because he was a so much like Russell Westbrook in high school he can tell him what to do. Alright, that kind of makes sense.

Couple weeks later we find out Skip DEFINITELY didn’t start on Varsity, played JV up until his senior year, and averaged a whopping 1.4 ppg his senior year. Yeah, sure sounds like his coach didn’t like him because he shot too much. More like coach didn’t like him because he sucked ass.

Well mah boy Jalen Rose decided to call him out live for this blatant lie:

Bet that one felt pretty good. Almost as good as Terrell Suggs calling Skip a douche bag.

 

Here’s what this ultimately comes down to. Gone are the days where the ESPN studios are packed with uppity sports journalists and broadcasters with no real playing experience saying whatever they want. Now that place is straight packed with ex-athletes. Like I bet the ex-athlete to journalist ratio is like 2:1. Whether that’s good or bad, I can’t say for sure. I can say I love getting Marcellus Wiley’s midday take on Andrew Luck’s compatibility with the Colt’s offensive line. Anyways, Skip needs to realize pretending to be a badass athlete back in the 70s is impossible now. Not only are you going up against ACTUAL badass athletes during each broadcast, but anything and everything you say can be quadruple fact checked by any lazy ass-munch with access to Google.

Now don’t think for a second that I don’t love exaggerating my mediocre sports career. “Yeah, totally anchored the 4×400 relay team at Ole Miss in ’08. Got cut for being TOO good. Made all the others look bad. Well that and this whole felony being a badass case. Judge threw it out though, thought I had too much talent to be in locked up. They called me ‘Legend Legs'” Is how a typical Friday night conversation with me might go.  Difference there is Skip is a nationally known television personality and I’m a virtually unknown blogger. Plus my story sounds way more legit, right??

I’ll end with this. Skip, buddy, you’re job is to go on TV and analyze sports. The least you can do is be accurate. Everyone already knows you slang more useless information than Susan B. Anthony. No need to increase your toolbox perception by blatantly lying to people about your high school athletic career in order to gain more credibility in an already stupid argument. Russell Westbrook shoots a shitload because he’s a freakin pure scorer. Dude gets the rock in the hole, plain and simple. Yeah, maybe he shoots a bit more than most PGs, but last I checked OKC has the second best record in the NBA. Something’s working right. That something is clearly not Skip Bayless’ long term memory.

-JD

 

Bonus Clip: Steven A backing up Skip this morning like they’re blood brothers. Didn’t see that one comin. Whatev. I’m still on Team Jalen.

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