Lin-decent Exposure

16 02 2012

You guessed it. Another internet write up on Jeremy Lin. These days you can’t lift up your sack to dry off your taint without seeing something about Jeremy Lin. Dude is the most popular Asian on the planet since Ghengis Khan and his Mongolian Barbeque empire.

But guess what? Like everyone else, I’m balls deep into the hype. Being a fantasy basketball guru, I snatched up that muh-phucka quicker than you can say Hyundai. So far, he’s turned out to be a bigger pick up than Joe Johnson’s F-650.

Here’s the deal, though. As always (ahem, Tim Tebow) the media latches on to every ‘feel good sensation’ sports story like Arby’s latched on to that whole ‘Good Mood Food’ ad campaign. Just beating it to death. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing J Lin highlights on Sportscenter. But we need to cool it with the damn wordplays, media. Christ. Shits getting out of hand real quick.

If you live under a rock and don’t know what I mean, here are a few I’ve seen in the last week:

Lin-sanity

Lin-vincible

Am-Asian [Amazing, get it?]

Lin-finite Possibilities

ThrilLINg!

Last Second Lin

Lin-derella Story

All He Does Is Lin

Lin-fallible

He’s got Lin-tangibles

“What did he just say?”..”Not sure, it was Lin-decipherable.”

I’M GOING CLINICALLY LIN-SANE

“Jeremy Lin just promised me some serious cash once he signs a big deal..” “Don’t believe him, he’s Lin-sincere.”

“I heard he has a Lin-satiable appetite for tranny hookers.”

“JEREMY LIN IS SO HOT! I WANT HIM LIN-SIDE ME NOW!”

Alright, maybe a few of those last ones were speculative. Pretty sure I’ve heard them somewhere. Whatever. I mean, it seems like everyone is onboard with the Lin Dynasty. That one been used yet? Dammit.

What’s that Floyd? Well almost everyone. Apparently my pal Floyd Mayweather has been h8ting via Twitter.

Anyways, all annoying word play headlines aside, here’s my real question. Dude is the first EVER Asian-American to play in the NBA. First. Ever. Only other Asian was good ol Yao Ming and I’m pretty sure he was a robot developed by the Chinese to take down Shaq that malfunctioned and broke down every season instead. According to my census knowledge there are like 8 billion Asian people on earth and at least a 40 million in the US. That’s an ass ton of Asians. HOW HASN’T THERE BEEN ANY OTHER ASIANS IN THE NBA?? I mean I went to a Milwaukee Bucks game last night and half the game was played by a bunch of European players. Somehow Ivanich Basketballslav is making his way into the league no problem but there are no Asians in sight.

Furthermore, last I checked Asians are some of the most agile people on the globe, what with all their kung-fu and tae kwondo and domo arigato mr. roboto stuff. If you can slice up an entire army of Mongolians with a samurai sword you should be able to knife through Allen Iverson’s lazy defense any day of the week.

In true TODM tradition, we present: A Collection of Asians That Should Be Dominating the NBA Right Now.

KOBAYASHI

Is that The Situation? Dudes definitely cut enough to bang with the big dogs down low.

JET LI

Anyone see this motherfucker in Cradle 2 The Grave? Singlehandedly took down every dude in the UFC with a midget.

KIM JONG-IL

He’s dead now, but I heard he was wet from beyond the arc back in his playin days.

MICHELLE KWAN

Definite WNBA material. Woulda been triple-lutzing mid-rangers from the elbow all day.

YO YO MA

Lull the opposing team to sleep with his boring ass cello solos.

CUNG LEE

One roundhouse to the dong and Paul Pierce would let Cung Lee in for the easy layup.

ICHIRO SUZUKI

No brainer here. Yeah, he’s been killin the MLB. I get that. But seriously, put down the bat and pick up the rock.

ALL 8 KATE PLUS 8 KIDS

Someone get these fuckers a basketball. Sounds like a powerhouse squad in the making. NBA domination? Maybe not but I bet they could pick up J Biebs and Nelly to form a dominant NBA All-Star Weekend Celebrity Team 17 years down the line.

Sha-zam, folks. If I were a betting man, I’d guess we’re about to see an entire continent of ballers piggybacking off J Lin’s success in the near future. Or not. Maybe they’ll just focus on technology and math algorithms and shit. I guess only time will tell.

-JD

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