Back 2 Basics: Commercials with Animals

7 02 2012

Welp the Super Bowl has come and gone. Just like that Tommy Cough(while i cup your balls)lin has another ring. One minute the entire city of New York wants to tar and feather him the next he’s hoisting the Lombardi Trophy. I fucking hate the guy but damn dude has Icy Hot running through his urethra.

Thank God The Pack are still an NFL record 13 Time World Champs.

Alright enough about the NFL, that shit is over for a few months. Lets move on to the real reason  women and gays across the country pretend to watch the Super Bowl – the commercials. God they were bad this year. I mean yeah, I lightly chuckled at like two or three of them (M&M’s) but damn the majority sucked. Go Daddy? They need to change up their commercial formula right quick. Hey Danica, if you want to gain some respect and be viewed on an equal playing field with all the dude drivers in NASCAR, maybe don’t star in retarded commercials that imply you’re showing your titties to the world if you visit Nope. Tried that when I was 12 and uber-gullible. Literally show nothing. Not gonna fall for it again.

Here at TODM we’ve realized the best formula for a funny commercial. So have many other brands. I’m talking about animals acting like humans. That’s literally it. Seriously. Shit is gold every time.

So while we count down some of the best commercials featuring animals doing human stuff, all the brands out there take a quick break from your commercial brainstorming meetings, they’re going nowhere as is. Go to the zoo, rent a Hippo, toss him in a codpiece and a top hat and make him do stuff. I’ll tell you one thing, I’ll laugh.

The Mime counts em down: Ads with Animals

10.) Creeping in at number 10 – that weird ass cat commercial from Quiznos

Maybe a little creepy but that freakin cat with the Pirate hat and guitar gets me giggling every time.

9.) Jack Links – Sasquatch & Joe Lo Truglio

I know, Sasquatch isn’t a real animal. Try saying that shit to Finding Bigfoot (Roasted earlier in Occupy This) that one dude will slice your sack open with the sharp end of his yard stick. Jo Lo Truglio has murdered small roles in a ton of classic flicks, throw him in a commercial with a giant beast and you can’t go wrong. Good work Jack Links. You’re jerky is pretty delish too.

8.) Pistachios – Keyboard Cat

Not nearly as funny as Nick Swardson’s Wheelchair Cat but Pistachios are on the right track. I love commercials from various nuts. Planters Peanut dude with the monacle? Classic cool. These goddamn Pistachios know whats up. Pop a cat in a green sweater and have him jam on a keyboard. Better than Snookie and her tanning bed.

God I wish I was the father of her new baby. Free pistachios for life mothafucker!

7.) Bridgestone Tires – Screaming Squirrel

That rabbit screaming just gets me every time. There he is thinking his buddy Squirrel McNut-Grabber is about to get shredded by that sedan. Nope. Dude had bomb ass tires. Your pal is gonna be just fine. Jokes on you Mr. Rabbit.

6.) Bud Light – Frank The Chimp

One of many hilarious commercials involving monkeys. Chimps have it all man. Thumbs on their feet, awesome banana eating skills, smooth game with hot chicks and they always look funny in tuxedos. Like this chick is legit thinking about ditching Brian and his baby dick and letting Frank the Chimp teach her how AIDS really was transmitted to humans.

5.) (somehow, their commercials usually BLOW) Subaru – Parking Dogs

Funny? Kinda. True? Fuck yeah. These two dogs are just bro’ing it out, maybe gonna crush some brews at a titty bar waiting for some jagoff who got in his car to finally throw it in park. Guy leaves and wouldn’t you know a bitch cat in a gay Saturn knifes their spot. Reminds me of that Entourage episode where Drama takes Chuck Liddells spot. That cats bout to get ATE!

4.) Bud Light – Spuds McKenzie

A year before my time? Yes. But I watched I Love The 80s. This dog was the tits. Frank The Chimp better up his shit. Spuds just not even trying. Babes all up on his pink rocket. Reclining on the beach. Even has his own theme song from the Beach Boys. Legendary.

3.) Geico – Dogs Chasing Cats

Yep, this Geico dude got annoying real quick during this ad campaign. No disagreements there. I just love animals driving cars. That dogs got it down. Fuckin 10 and 2, baby. Cat doesn’t even have his seatbelt on. Cats about get all 5 car pile up’ed the minute he tries to take that car chase onto a freeway.

2.) HP ePrint – Cruisin Baby

That’s right, this does not star an animal. It’s a baby instead! Babies are like tiny drunk people, right Nick Swardson? (2nd N. Swardson reference o the day for those keeping track at home). This baby is hilarious and in no way related to printing, which is weird. Baby is just in the drop top switchin lanes. Love it.

1.) Career Builder – Parking Monkeys

Best. Monkey. Commercial. Ever.

“Hey Ron, ahh, did ya notice you might’a clipped me there?”

Genius stuff, Career Builder. Genius stuff.

Well that about does it folks. Looks like the company with the best grasp on funny animal commercials is Budweiser. Guys got their advertising shit in a vice grip. Hopefully for America’s sake more companies will catch on.





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